I am the MOH for my best friend %26amp; I am beginning to plan her Bach. party. I went to her house yesterday and was talking to her and her mother about her wedding showers and her bachelorette party got brought up. All of the bridesmaids, other close girlfriends %26amp; myself are going out for a night on the town after a dinner with her younger sisters who are in the wedding but are only 13 %26amp; 16. Some of the stuff i would think is inappropriate for her sisters to see so we are doing it out at the clubs. We were talking %26amp; her mother said that SHE wants to be there...%26amp; that she SHOULD be invited since she is paying for the wedding. The bride didnt like this idea %26amp; she voiced her opinion about it but her mother said she did not care, she is paying for the wedding therefore she should be invited to everything. She also said that she did not want us out partying because she didnt like this idea %26amp; the brides sisters did not need to be around it but they should be there for the whole party.
Bachelorette Party problems...how do i handle this?
It is the brides night. I think that whatever she wants is what you should do. Good luck
Reply:It is really up to the bride to set her mom straight, not you! But i see your problem. The mother is being completely ridiculous, so she has brought this upon herself. I think you should have the party as originally planned, and do not tell her anything about it. Don't tell her the date, don't tell her where it is, or anything.
OR
Go to dinner, invite everyone, then after dinner say goodbye to everyone while you and the girls go out club/bar hopping as originally planned. Do not mention these plans ahead of time to the mom or younger sisters in case they leak it to the mom.
OR
Tell the bride that its time to practice being her own person and have her tell her mom exactly what the plan is, and do not give in. Why would her mom want to go somewhere where she is clearly not welcome? I think the best option is to tell the bride to set her mom straight, regardless of whether she likes it or not.
Reply:its sounds like the mom is trying to take over...she needs to remember this is her daughters day...not hers...and while she is paying for the wedding and all..you said the bridesmaids and yourself were paying for the bachlorette party...to appease mom alittle plan the dinner early...say 6pm...all the gifts that are appropriate for the younger sisters should be opened then...then they will feel that they got a piece of all the action of the night..i am sure if you talk to her sisters they will understand..heck they probably wouldnt want there mama in the mix with their weddings....all the "naughty"gifts can be saved for later when they are not around...then around 7 or 8 when the dinner is over-the younger girls will be hopefully tired of yall and mama might have to take them home...if mama has to go..then she is gonna have to get the what we call..the bill cosby talk down....let her know that this is a special night planned for her daughter and that you made arrangements to take care of her...tell her if she wants to come along that is fine but do realize this is an event for her daughter and not her...it is her daughters marriage and if you are down for the bar hoppin ride that is about to happen...or option b is to give her some last minute tasks for the wedding which may keep her occupied through the bachlorette party...good luck to you and your party..i hope it works out
Reply:Ha, tell mommy that yes she is paying for things and you appreciate her for that. Then tell her that you are grownups now and want to do grownup things, these are in fact not things the younger sisters need to attend. Tell Mom she is more than welcome to come but you do not need her permission to be an adult anymore. Tell her it is also your wedding you only plan on doing this once and your bachelorette party is important to you. Tell her she might not be comfortable being around the people and things you plan to do later that night. Good luck
Reply:This actually sounds like a great opportunity to plan something that's actually original instead of the exact kind of bah party that everyone everywhere plans.
I'm not sure why the bride is getting lingerie? Bach parties are not normally gift giving events- but that aside, you have 2 choices- you can come up with some original ideas or you can have the party you planned and totally alienate the bride's family.
Reply:Plan a dinner night and G rated bach party for a different night. Go out with the girls the next night or the next weekend. Split them up. The girls mother is being unreasonable, but you should still be able to work around it. To keep her out of trouble, you could "steal" her for the naughty party. Just make sure she has the type of party she wants one way or the other.
GOOD LUCK!
Reply:Plan a separate one with the the MOB's knowledge.
Reply:I would let the bride sort it out with her mother. If, in the end, it must be G-rated, go along with it. The bachelorette party is not that important in the grand scheme of things. You could always have a secret second bachelorette party another night.
Reply:Give a "family" staggette and invite mom %26amp; little sisters to keep the peace. Have the kind of party you want on the sly and insist that it was unplanned, totally spontaneous. Yes, that is an obvious lie, but stick to your story that the bunch of you "just happened" to drop in at so and so's home, went out for burgers %26amp; beer, and one thing led to another. Mom may call you on your lie, but no matter how much she is honest and your are telling fibs, she will still look like a sour puss spoil sport who is pouting about being left out of a group she shouldn't be trying to "horn in on" in the first place.
Of course you can't expect mom to PAY for this outing, so everybody better start saving their nickels.
Reply:Ahh, the joys of planning a wedding. It's always tricky to keep everyone happy and involved with all that a wedding entails. Since the bride has voiced her opinion that she doesn't want her mom out at the clubs with you guys maybe you could do two seperate parties, one with family included and one just for the bride and her girls. That way you can keep mama and sisters involved, but the bride can also cut loose and have her fun.
Or, just do the bach party for you gals, and involve mom and sisters more in the bridal shower, and make that more G rated.
Reply:Tell the mother that they are not excluding the bride's sisters (perhaps have some really fun stuff that they can give their sister (Victoria's gift cards) at the restaurant. Tell them Mom that it is up to the MOH to throw the party and that if she thinks it is not appropriate, she does not need to come. Tell her that it is the bride's party and she is more than welcome to come to the restaurant with the rest, but the crowd is going out after that. If she does not like it, tough.
Talk it over with her, if she is still unreasonable, perhaps you can get one of the Aunts/Uncles (mother's sister/brother) or friends involved to set her straight. Paying for the wedding gets her the invite for the bridesmaids luncheon, not the bach. party.
Reply:"Change your mind" to have the G rated party but sneak off sometime to have the "big girl" party. What's she gonna do ground you? you're not sixteen right?
Reply:Tell everyone that since there is no agreement on the bacherlorette party, you have decided not to have one.
Then after swearing everyone to secrecy, you all get hooked up and go out and have fun.
If that foolish mom finds out about it later... too late she's already married by then.
I guarantee i wouldn't be taking a 13 yr old kid to my bachelor party!
Reply:It seems like the bride and the mom has personal problems within eachother. They shouldnt put you in that kind of stress. You should let them try to communicate with eachother and figure out their differences so they can have a good and happy wedding where both of them can enjoy that beautiful day.
Reply:The bride just needs to be honest with her mom. I did not invite mine to the bach. party, and she understood perfectly. Just because she is paying for the wedding, does not mean that the bride is obligated to invite her to the bach. party...especially when you are throwing it for her. The bride needs to step up here, or this situation will only get worse.
Reply:I tell you what.....If you can't do it in front of your mother then you shouldn't be doing it anyway. That is why I paid for my wedding.....
Reply:It sounds as if the bride and her mom have some things to talk about.
This is the bride's party and she should do what she wants. I think it's great that you are all being considerate of the fact that her younger sisters are going too and are planning dinner, however, if the bride chooses to go out clubbing or to the bars for her bachelorette party then she should be able to. It seems like her mom is being incredibly pushy and overbearing and using the fact that she's paying for the wedding as an excuse, which it shouldn't be. The bride really should sit down and talk to her mom about this and hash it out because ultimately this is a problem not for you to resolve, but for the bride and her mother to resolve.
Good luck!
Reply:I'm having the same problem with one of my girlfriend's parties. She has 3 younger ladies in the wedding as well. I'm going to invite them to eat with us and let her open their presents and then they are going home. That's when the real party starts! We're going to be drinking and have lingerie and other naughty stuff. It's the Bride's night! She gets to say who comes and who doesn't. If she doesn't want her mom there, don't invite her. She paying for the wedding not the B-Party!
Reply:Its up to the bride- totally!!!! You can't have a bachelorrette party without the penis straws and the lingerie... her mom is going to have to get over it, b/c thats what us girls do before our friends get hitched! If she is pitching that big of a fit about it, just have a "mock" party and then go out another night with the bride and the bridesmaids... apparently the only way your bride is going to get her party is if her mother knows nothing about it!
Reply:Seems to me like the bride needs to nip this one in the butt. Unfortunately there is not much you can do at this point, unless you decide to do two separate things.
My Sister N law had a party during the day at her moms house, just a small get together, just women, and we had fun while she opened all her sexy gifts... and then all the bridesmaids and some of the younger girls (21 and over) that chipped in for the limo went out to some clubs later that night.... It was a lot of fun.
Good luck to you, i really hope everything works out for you and the bride. Sounds like her mom needs to cut the cord.
To add:
With the younger girls i think i would just do the dinner thing, like you suggested. All of this truly is not up to the mother, and the bride really needs to get involved and tell her mother how it is going to be. She may be paying for the wedding but she is not paying for the bachlorette party...
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